This is something I wrote when I was feeling sad and lost. I was trying to find strength, and acceptance so I thought if I wrote something down it could help me find my way out of the darkness. I wrote a bunch of poems to help deal with my emotions. I have kept them to myself but it is time to let the feelings go. I hope you like this. I will be posting them all for you to read and hopefully enjoy.

When you left home you had to fend for yourself rejected from the rest of the world you had to fight to survive.

Deserted, afraid and all alone you were your only friend neglected, isolated and lonely you tried to protect yourself from harm

you were lost inside you didn’t know what to do or where to go Feeling sadness and despair

You had to fight and find the courage to free the little girl inside showing her that she is strong and smart enough

The little girl that was lost was now stronger then ever happiness with the knowledge that she has come so far by her perseverance and strength

The lost little girl walking her own path, making her own rules knowing that failure is only a stepping stone success can be gained, just by using perspective

Others can judge and ridicule they can blame, shame and lie We must use our own objective thinking to free the little girls inside

Talk soon

Ruthie J

Hello Everyone,

Today I wanted to talk about Project Runway. I have been a loyal Project Runway fan since the first season it aired. I even watched Project Runway Canada when. I have always been a fan of the show and this season just got better. I wasn’t sure how the show would look without Heidi Klum or Tim Gunn on the show. I adore them and thought the show would be missing that special thing they brought. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the new individuals on the show were amazing.

Supermodel Karlie Kloss was great. She showed compassion to the Designers that left at the end of each episode. She was funny and sweet. I can honestly say I am now a fan of Karlie Kloss.

Christian Siriano was the mentor this season and I thought he was awesome. He gave insightful tips to the designers. He really knows what he is talking about. I remember the season Christian was on as a designer and the one design that stands out for me was when he took the sleeves of a denim jacket and used them as the legs of jean pants. I thought that was genius and it looked great. He was my favourite designer from that season. I was thrilled when I found out he was coming back as mentor. I thought he was great as a mentor. He was thoughtful and funny. He always looked great. He has great style.

The designers this season had some questionable taste levels but there was some great runway shows. The winning designer Sebastian Grey. Sebastian was my favourite this season. He had some great items that if I could afford I would purchase. I rooted for him.  He was such a joy to watch and I know his future will be strong in the fashion industry. He always seemed so sweet and the top layer stitching he did on his designs really did set him apart from the other designers.

I also enjoyed most of the designs created by Hester Sunshine. She has a very strong point of view and some of the outfits are bit out there for me but I really was fascinated with some of her designs. She is also very gifted and will have a strong future in the industry.

It hasn’t been announced if there will be a season 18 but I have my fingers and toes crossed that there will be. I also truly hope that  Christian signs up for it because he was amazing!! If you get a chance to watch this past season than do so. You won’t regret it.

Thanks for reading

talk soon

Ruthie J

Hello Everyone,

I hope you are all having a great day. Today I wanted to talk about the new addition to our family. My niece is pregnant and she is expecting a baby boy. This is so exciting and so surreal.

I remember changing my nieces diaper. I remember her having a temper tantrum where she stomped her feet on the floor and then trew herself to the ground in anger. I remember her shouting ice cream when the ice cream truck was in the neighbourhood. It is so strange to see that she is no longer that little baby, that little kid but to see the wonderful grown woman she has become.

I am proud of the woman she is and I think she will be a great mother. I also think my sister will be an amazing grandmother! The daddy will be a great dad. This baby is very lucky to be in the most amazing family. This baby will be loved.

This baby will also be spoiled. I know because my daughter is spoiled by everyone in my family and we will all do the same thing for my great-nephew. He will have toys, games whatever he wants. There will be someone around to buy it for him.

I have been buying little trinkets for the baby and am getting excited to give everything to my niece at her baby shower. Which is vast approaching. I also can’t wait until September as her due date falls in September. We can’t wait until that little bundle of love arrives to this world. I will post pictures of the little surprises after my niece has been given the gifts. I can’t have her see them in any of my posts. That would take away the surprise.

Do you have any babies arriving in the near future? Send pictures of any that have already arrived, I would be happy to post them for you.

Until next time, have a great night

Ruthie J

Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all enjoying this rainy day. I decided to bake a lemon brownie. My husband loves lemon and lime pastries so I wanted to bake something he would like. This is what came out.

I know it is round instead of square but I do not have a small square pan. I figured it would be ok. But the thing turned out to have a face. A face that is winking and laughing at me. It is saying “you thought you can bake, well my dear, think again, ha ha ha ha”!

I used to bake a lot years ago and I don’t remember having the trouble I seem to have now. I baked normal chocolate brownies last week and they came out a bit overcooked. Not burnt but not as chewy as they should have been. We persevered and ate them.

I baked a lemon cake and made homemade icing. The cake came out pretty good but the icing was awful. The sugar didn’t melt into the icing as it should have. It was some crunchy icing. My daughter asked that we scrap off the icing from her serving.

Today I again attempted to make a lemon icing and even though I followed the recipe to the syllable the icing was again crunchy. Not as crunchy as the last one but enough that I poured it out. I will be putting regular premade icing on the lemon laughing face to hide it. I cannot serve dessert that is laughing at me.

I will continue to bake and I will continue to make baking mishaps but eventually I will bake something to perfection! At least that is what I strive to do each and every time and I have faith that one day that shall happen.

How is your baking? Any tips that can help me to make something that isn’t laughing at me? If you have an idea as to what could have caused this face at the bottom of my pan, I would love to hear. If you want to share some of your baking mishaps, I would love to hear that as well.

Until next time, Happy baking my friends!

Ruthie J

Hello Everyone,

Today I got some really scary news. I got a text from a friend whose daughter attends the same school as my daughter. That is how we met, are daughters are friends. Well, this text said;

“Hey Parents,

I don’t know if you are aware of the car that;s been stopping kids walking home from our school. I heard from 2 moms now that it’s a black car, a man and a woman, stopping kids and asking if they have any snacks. The police are involved and the Principal knows. Please spread the word to other moms whose kids walk. This is no scary and messed up–wtf!!!!!! The school board has also been notified.”

My heart stopped and I was having trouble breathing while reading that text. I am now freaking out. I nearly had a panic attack. My daughter does not walk to or from school but it is so scary to know that this is happening in my neighbourhood. This is happening at our school. I sent the text to another friend of mine and I am getting ready to send this text out to everyone I know that has kids going to this school.

There are way too many sick people in this world. I remember being a kid and walking with my sister and a friend and a car stopped beside us to talk to us. I don’t remember if we spoke back to them or just left and ran into the nearest store. Thinking back to that now sends a chill up my spine. I am grateful that nothing happened to us but it could have. This couple stopping children on the road are not up to any good. I hope the police find them quickly. This is so scary.

Children go missing from front yards, backyards, walking on the street. I know I am overprotective and I want to give my daughter space to grow but I am fearful of the sick people in this world. I am afraid of the stories I hear on the news. I have read several news articles that have sent chills up my spine. There was one story that gave me nightmares. I am trying not to read these stories anymore but I cannot keep myself in the dark of the cruelties of the world because don’t we need to know what has happened so that we can protect our children from these creatures?

I am overprotective and I feel that this is better than not being protective enough. I would never forgive myself if something happened to my daughter. I know I would not recover from that.

How do we protect our children without being overprotective? How to keep them safe but give them the space they need to become fully functioning independent adults?  How do we not project our fears onto our children?

They have the right to be kids and to experience the joys of childhood. They have the right to play in the ir backyards, in the parks, to ride their bikes down the street or to the corner store. They have the right to feel safe! They have the right to be safe! How do we make this world safer for our kids?

I hope you have some answers or even advice. I would love to hear anything you have to say.

Thanks for reading

Stay safe and keep your loved ones safe

Ruthie J

Hello Everyone,

Toady I am reviewing these killer pink heels. These are called Punk Pink Stud Buckle High Heel Stiletto Pumps with Zipper Bootie Sandal. That is a really long name but these shoes are great. They are from a company called Show Story. You can purchase them from Amazon for forty-six dollars and ninety-nine cents plus a shipping fee of fifteen dollars in Canadian funds. Show Story also has a website that you can order from but I am an avid Amazon shopper.

I love the way they look and the attention I get when I wear them. People have commented on them and even asked me where I got them.

I feel super sexy when I wear them and they look great with jeans, skirts and dresses. I wear them with anything.

They are pretty comfortable. They have slightly padded insoles for comfortability. I did wear them to work and had no issues or a need to change them throughout the day. I have some shoes that I had to remove from my feet to relieve the pain I was feeling. I did not have to do this with these shoes. I had no issues wearing them to work.

They also come in a variety of colours if pink is not your choice. They have army green, beige, black, purple and blue. They blue is a royal blue and it looks great as well. I try not to buy the same shoes in different colours but I may have to get them blue.

This picture was taken after I have worn them several times. The heel tabs remain as though I have never worn them. The zippers are great and I have had no issues with them. The front buckle is adjustable. I have had no issues with the stitching on the shoes.

I had the stitching come apart a pair of boots I wore once. I also had the heel tabs break off another pair of shoes within the first hour of wearing them on a carpeted surface. Those shoes were awful but I am not here today reviewing them. These shoes were crafted with care and precision.

If you are looking for a great sexy pair of shoes than these are the winner.

Thanks for reading and if you do purchase a pair please message me. I would love to hear your review of them.

Have a great day

Ruthie J

Hey Everyone,

Sorry I have been MIA but I was feeling sorry for myself. There are times I seem to only focus on what is wrong and cannot see the great things in my life. I get trapped in this abyss of emotion and I cannot get out of it. Little things can trigger it. Sometimes it is just me thinking of things that happened in my past. I fall into this cycle of self-reflection and trying to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it. I get lost in this cycle. I forget to look around me and see what matters. My daughter, My husband and our dog are amazing and I should always see that. Why is it that sometimes I don’t? Sometimes I just feel lost.

I feel lost because the only person I used to share all my feelings no matter what they were was my mother. I used to tell my mother everything good and bad, work related or something I saw on TV. She would be happy with me or sad with me and she would even be mad for me. It’s in these times of despair that I miss her most. I lost my mother, my confidant and my best friend and I haven’t fully recovered from that. This year will be the fifth anniversary of her death. It just doesn’t get easier. The pain doesn’t fade. I went to a grief counselor for a while and it really helped me. I felt better. Sometimes when something bad or something good happens, she is the first person I want to talk too.

I wish there was someway that I could reach her and tell her that I miss her and that I am sorry for being a pain anytime I made her angry. I wish I could tell her that she was an amazing mother and we were lucky to have her. She was caring and thoughtful, giving and kind. She was the nicest person I knew. She went into debt to help her kids. When she was looking for a house, she factored room for her kids (adult married kids) and her grandson. She always thought of everyone else.

What pains me the most right now is how selfish I am being. I have no reason to be sad. I have a great family and a great life. I may be unemployed right now but I hated the company I worked for so not being there is a great thing. I have money saved so I am ok for now. It is time for me to get off my butt and get back into action.

This week I decided to move furniture around and to reorganize my office. I decided that I needed to write in my blog before I lost the readers I currently have. I am sorry I haven’t written in a bit and I hope you will continue to come back to read about my journey.

Tomorrow I will review another pair of shoes so come back and check it out. They are pink and they look like a leather jacket.

Thanks for reading

Have a great day

Ruthie J

Hello Everyone,

It is review time! I thought what best to review than shoes. Anyone who knows me knows that I love shoes. Shoes make me feel happy. I am not sure why but a great looking pair of shoes puts a smiile on my face. I will go shopping for a pair of pants and return home with a pair of shoes. My mother used to tell me that I would die with a pair of shoes in my hands while going to school. lol

The first pair of shoes that I thought to write about are my favourite pair of wedge heeled runners. I got these from Amazon and I love them so much I have a black and a red pair. The company is Max Star and they are made in Korea but they are great looking and really made well. I have had these for a number of years and they still look like new. I have had no issues with the stiching or the zipper. They have maintained their colour well. They are are very comfortable. I can wear these and be on my feet all day long and not have any pain or uncomfortableness.

They are currently running for about fifty-six dollars on Amazon but I purchased these in 2017 and I still wear both pairs. I have placed pictures of the red ones below and hte red is still so vibrant. The colour has not leaked or faded. I wear them all the time. If you are looking for a comfortable highheel wedge than look no further. If you want a smaller heel than don’t fret because they come in different heel heights.

They also come in several colours. I bought a mint pair for my younger sister and she is happy with them.

These black pairs do get out of the house a lot more than the red ones as it is easier to pair the black pair with anything I am wearing. The black have held up better than I could have imagined. The colour is not fading and the zipper is still perfect. the stiching is great. They really are great quality. When it is time to let them go than I will be re-ordering them from Amazon because they are fabulous! I have used these shoes at work on days that I was on my feet all day long. I went home with no foot issues. My feet were happy and without pain. Some of my coworkers wearing lower heeled shoes were suffering from some foot pain because of all the walking and standing but my feet were happy and again without pain.

I am thinking of buying the all white pair or even the mint pair or maybe I will get both. who knows maybe I will splurge.

I hope you enjoyed todays review. Will you be getting a pair and if you do please let me know how you like them. Send me a picture of them. I will be happy to post the picure if you like.

Until next time my friends, have a wonderful day

Ruthie J

Hey Everyone,

I hope you all had a great weekend. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. What should I do? Now that I am unemployed it has sparked a lot of questions. Where do I go from here? What do I want to do in my life for work? I have been thinking of the last year and the problems and issues that keep coming up in my head.

The last year wasn’t all bad. I keep thinking when did it all change? My home life is great but I don’t always see it. I take my life and my family for granted sometimes. i forget how lucky I am. I think about how I can change that. How can I show that I really do appreciate them? I really hated where I was working and that pain started just before Christmas. The unresolved feelings keep coming up and they are holding me back.

I was promised something during the interviews and I made it very clear that this was important to me. I would not travel outside of Ontario for work. I needed to be home every night. My family was and is important to me and I would not jeopardize that. I was promised that the Montreal locations would be given to someone else. That did not happen. Actually on my first day I was told that the move would happen before the end of the year. That did not happen. I was told in October that I would have to go out to Montreal and I explained that I would not be going.

I was told again in December that I would have to go out to Montreal and that it would have to be done in 2019. That is the day I told my husband that I would be fired in 2019 because I would not go to Montreal. I blame myself because I should have had them put it in writing but I accepted their word as truth. I do that a lot. I believe that people say what they mean but that is not the case. I trust people too easily. When I am let down, I attack myself for trusting the wrong person.

When other people make mistakes, I make excuses for them and in some cases have taken the blame for them. I tell people that it is ok to make a mistake and that is how we learn. I don’t do the same for myself. I am too hard on myself and I know that but how do I take my own advice.

People point out my mistakes or tell me I should have known better and my response every time is, “they are right”. I never tell myself that I am only human and allowed to make mistakes. I need to stop seeing everything I do with tunnel vision. I need to learn to allow myself to make mistakes. I need to learn to forgive myself and to let go of these feelings.

I am looking to start some mantra’s, I haven’t decided which ones I should work with but I will start looking to see which ones work for me. Do you have any mantra’s that you like to use? Any advice on accepting ones mistakes as learning curves? message me if you have anything you would like to say? Maybe we can help each other.

Until next time, come back tomorrow, I will be starting Review Wednesday. I will pick something and write a review. If you have anything you would like reviewed, let me know.

Ruthie J

Hello Everyone, I hope you are having a great day. today I wanted to talk about something I read this morning. It mentioned three reasons a person gets fired.

Reason 1: wrong hire for the position or the company

Reason 2: Company was unable to motivate the employee

Reason 3: The Company is toxic

I found this interesting as I was recently fired from my job. I was at this company for just under a year and the first eight months were great. The people I was working with were great. During the eight months quite a few people quit and/or got fired. It was scary for me to see this type of transition as I was expecting growth in the company. Several Senior positions resigned and that left a giant gap in the company causing several people to try to grow within the company. Some of these people chose that this growth would be by showing other peoples weaknesses. I watched people looking for mistakes that others had done. Instead of showing their colleagues respect by speaking to them directly these people chose to shed light to the mistakes.

This technique unfortunately worked. People were made to feel bad for making a simple mistake. Senior Management got copied on emails that should have been between colleagues. I spoke with my boss about this and how I did not understand this as my belief is that we all work for one company with one objective. We should be working as a team. I was told that these people were looking to get noticed and this is how they chose to do that.

I mentioned to my boss that we should arrange some tours to some of the sites so that we can all form friendships so that we can improve the camaraderie. We should look at ways to improve team work and to get people to stop trying to make others feel bad. My requests were taken and listened too but nothing was ever scheduled.

I told my husband in December of 2018 that I would be fired in 2019. I told him that I could feel it. I also told him who my replacement would be. I was right on both accounts.

A month before I was fired I told my boss that coming to work made me sad. This was said after she told me that a colleague asked me for some information. I provided the information but this person did not ask me for the real information she was looking for. When she sent what I gave her to Senior Management, apparently Senior Management made a nasty comment about me. My boss told me all this, something that probably should not have been said. I told her that I was not used to people being sneaky and mean like this. I told her I didn’t understand why we cannot all just work as a team. A few weeks later I was fired. I was not surprised but I was sad. I am not sure why I was sad as this place was toxic and mean. People were just mean!!

I am now relieved that I don’t have to go back there. I have thought about why I was sad and the only thing I could think of is that I hoped this place would change and that people would be kind to each other. I still hope that they can figure it out or they will continue to lose good people.

Have you worked for a company like this? If so, what did you do? Comment or send me an email. I would love to hear from you.

Until next time my friends,

Ruthie J